Insides coming out can be a bad thing, nasty thing or a relieving thing. For her it isn't any of these things, it's healing. For her it's recovery. For too long she kept all of it in, to herself and let nothing out. What she kept in was not nourishment it was emptiness. Yes, emptiness. The burdens, worries, lies or secrets, the insecurities, fears and the sadness and hurt. She also kept in strength, sensitivity and her ability to be a part of the world in a healthy way. The things, thoughts, emotions were burdens which depleted her of the energy, the voice to get anything out she no longer held the ability to let anything in.
She was told during treatment that she was to try and be her own therapist. She knew professionals gave out advice for the most part and offered help and their skills to those in need. As she began to be her own professional, she too began to offer herself new skills as she was in need. In letting things, thoughts and emotions out she made room inside. She made room for feelings, new and old, thoughts and things to fill and nourish her emptiness. It did not happen quickly and it hurt. Sometimes the feelings inside were scary and she wished them away. When they began to feel more and more safe, natural and reassuring, she herself began to feel safer and she let them in more naturally, without thought. She let in people, family, friends and him. He was to her like a leaf to a tree, protection, a source of nourishment and a natural part of her full self.